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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511808">can you hear me out there?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/prongs_writes/pseuds/prongs_writes'>prongs_writes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To be heard [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, Panic Attacks, Sad Lance (Voltron), Set during season six, Suicidal Thoughts, There's lots of crying, abandonded lance, it's just very sad and angsty, keith is with the blades, the panic attack is hinted</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:00:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/prongs_writes/pseuds/prongs_writes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>" “Space is a weird place”, Lance thought.<br/>~~~<br/>Space killed him, or at least, that’s how it felt. It drained him and he didn’t feel the energy to be like that anymore."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To be heard [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048069</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>217</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>can you hear me out there?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's just really sad so keep it in mind. Inspired by the song "can you hear me" by anson seabra.</p><p>keep in mind that while this is set in season 6, none of the clone shiro nor lotor stuff is happening. shiro is just shiro and lotor isn't present at all</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Space is a weird place”, Lance thought. </p><p>Okay, fine, we all knew that, but you have to hear him out. Nothing can be heard out there. It might sound like no big deal to you but for someone who grew up in a big and loud family surrounded by the ocean whose waves always crashed and splashed and who was a genuinely loud person, it was weird. Not to say, a bit scary.</p><p>Lance was loud. He knew that. The team knew that. The universe knew that. It was just the way he has always been. From his clothes to his personality, everything he did always attracted attention from day one. He felt uncomfortable in the silence and always did his best to prevent it. He was chatty and loud and cheerful and...and he wasn’t. At least, not anymore. </p><p>Space killed him, or at least, that’s how it felt. It drained him and he didn’t feel the energy to be like that anymore.</p><p>It was quiet, too quiet. The Castle’s low hum was always present but it did nothing to prevent the silence. Space was just too big, the number of people filling it too small and he couldn’t do anything to prevent it no matter how hard he tried. And boy, did he try. </p><p>He’d sing on top of his lungs, He’d scream and shout. He’d run around and talk as much as he could but...nothing worked. </p><p>It made him feel even lonelier than he already was. Homesickness kicked in on day three and hasn’t left him since. His mother’s singing, the noise from his dad’s TV, the sound of his siblings arguing over something, and his niblings running around, he missed it all. </p><p>Lance missed being surrounded by people and the big family dinners his mum worked the whole day on. He missed his family and as the days went by he only got more convinced that he wasn’t going to see them anytime soon. </p><p>He was getting desperate. He felt the need to talk to someone, anyone, about it. To just let his worries out and get some of that weight lifted. To just be able to breathe for a while.</p><p>He first went to Hunk, naturally. The big guy was his best and closest friend. They knew each other since their first day at the Garrison. He’ll lend him an ear, for sure. </p><p>The big guy brushed him off as he worked on something with Pidge.</p><p>“Sorry, buddy. Kind of busy here. Can it wait?”, he asked, arms deep in some kind of alien machine Lance chose not to question.</p><p>So Lance did what he always does. He put his smile back on and waved it off, “Yeah, sorry to bother you guys. Have fun with that...thingy.” </p><p>It happened several times more. He’d go to Hunk and find him with Pidge. They’d be busy and claim to not have the time for him at the moment, offering to talk to him later and he'd just smile and walk away knowing that they won’t be doing any talking.</p><p>He stopped trying.</p><p>Lance was not stupid, contrary to other people’s opinions. He knew when he was unwanted. Hunk has obviously moved on from him and found something better in Pidge and that was fine. He doesn’t want to burden him. He just wants his best friend to be happy.</p><p>The next logical choice was Shiro.</p><p>But every time he tried to talk to his leader he found himself feeling selfish. Who was he to bore him with his stupid issues? No, Lance was many things but he’d like to think that he was not selfish. And so, every time, he’d just turn around and leave to train. No need to burden him with his problems when he already had so many just by leading them.</p><p>Allura was out of the question as soon as he received death glares upon walking in on one of their important discussions. The Altean did not want to listen to his annoying ass anyway, not when she had important matters to attend to, like saving the universe.</p><p>By the time his options went down to Coran, Lance was exhausted. The man tried to coax it out of him, asking him if he was alright and engaging him into whatever he was up to but Lance was tired. He did not see the point anymore, not after trying with so many people only to be unheard.</p><p>And so, he was alone. With nothing to listen to and nobody to listen to him.</p><p>Eventually, he stopped being bothered by silence. How could he be if the voices in his head were loud enough?</p><p>He felt himself starting to drown in them. A constant battle between the silence and the noise.</p><p>A phantom hand clutched at his throat and, no matter how many times he swatted at it, it didn’t make its holds any less painful. Breathing alone became a struggle as he went through his day. </p><p>Lance’s days became a blur filled with nothing but loneliness. A painful emptiness settled itself in his chest and stomach and seemed pretty content with staying there. Lance didn’t know how to fight it so he let it consume him instead. What’s a bit more pain anyway? </p><p>Nobody seemed to notice his struggles. Even Coran let him be but not without worried glances making their way over to him every once in a while, not that Lance cared anymore. Lance knew that they had better stuff to do than pay attention to him but it did hurt a bit, even though he wouldn’t admit it. </p><p>He did his best to be his usual self. To smile and joke and flirt. To throw finger guns and complain about miscellaneous stuff and cheer them all up every time they had to fight a Galra fleet. If he was good at anything, it was being a goofball and a goofball he would be if that’s all they expected from him.</p><p>But he didn't feel any of it. Every smile, every joke, every whoop, every cheer was nothing but fake. And it pained him to know that nobody noticed it. That nobody noticed how his smile would drop the tick he turned around. That nobody heard the off-note in his voice. </p><p>Instead of training, as he’d usually do, he spent his time alone in his room. More often than not, he’d find himself curled in a ball with tears streaming down his face, struggling to catch his breath. </p><p>The phantom hand would then clutch tighter, the emptiness would be bigger and the pain would consume him as he’d sob his heart out, unheard by anyone else. </p><p>Lance yearned for someone, anyone, to hear him. To notice the empty smiles, the dark bags under his eyes that always seemed puffy and bleary, to notice the pale skin and how he failed at taking care of it like he used to. Or maybe it was all in his head and it wasn’t all that bad like he thought it was?  </p><p>He desperately wanted to speak up, to say what’s on his mind, to share some of his struggles but every time he tried he’d just find himself unable to. His hands would shake, his breaths would become short, his lips would be pressed tight and he’d have to close his eyes and let it go. He couldn’t do it and even if he could, they didn’t want him to.</p><p>Instead, Lance went out of his way to be there for everyone. Pidge and Hunk needed someone to help hold the engine? Fine. Shiro needed a sparring partner? Kick his ass. Allura needed to be brought food and ushered to bed? Done and done. Coran wanted to tell one of his crazy stories? He can have Lance’s ear. </p><p>He took care of them in silent ways. Always waiting, always on edge, always prepared to jump in and offer his hand, shoulder, anything, just to make this awful life easier for them if he couldn’t do it for himself. Just to fill in a role, because he did not know what his role in the whole team was anymore. Did he even have it or would everyone just be fine without him?</p><p>He was sitting with them in the lounging area. Allura suggested some team bonding seeing how things were only getting worse and worse as time progressed. Despite feeling tired and only wanting to go back to his room and be alone, Lance went. Because that’s what everybody expected him to do.</p><p>“So, anybody got anything they want to share?”, Allura asked as she leaned a bit towards them, signaling that she was listening.</p><p>“Actually, I do”, Pidge fixed her glasses, “I’ve been working on something new with Matt. We believe that it might be a great help against Galra. It should be ready any time soon. We’ve run into some issues with the code but Hunk said he can help. We might need your help too, Princess.” </p><p>“That’s wonderful, good job Pidge. I’ll be happy to land a hand”, Allura cheered. “Anyone else?”</p><p>They went back and forth, telling each other what they have been up to. Lance remained silent content to listen to them and not to the voices inside his head for a change. He couldn’t help but notice that despite being surrounded by them he still felt alone. </p><p>“That’s because you don’t belong there”, a voice whispered in his ear, sounding strangely like his own. </p><p>“Shut up”, he told it.</p><p>“You know I’m right”,  it persisted.</p><p>“I said, shut up.” </p><p>“Lance”, Shiro suddenly called. All eyes were on him, “You okay over there? You kind of zoned out.”</p><p>He realized that he stopped paying attention. Lance quickly snapped out of it, shook his head a bit, offered a small smile he hoped was reassuring. “Yeah, all good. I’m just tired.” His eyes burned from his restless nights, his thoughts going a mile a minute, not letting him sleep.</p><p>“Tell me about it”, Hunk groaned as he stretched.</p><p>Lance only smiled a bit at him. ”It’s not the same.“</p><p>“Feels like I haven’t slept in ages”, Allura slumped against the backrest, her head tilting back as she rubbed her eyes. Even her altean marks were paler.  </p><p>“It’s been hard for everyone, Princess. The sooner we end this, the sooner we get to rest”, Shiro tried to reassure. </p><p>“Wish I was more like Lance”, Pidge muttered. Lance’s breath hitched. Did he hear it right? Or is his brain playing tricks on him now? </p><p>“W-what? Why?”, he stuttered out, trying not to choke on his own spit. His blue eyes went wide as he expectantly stared at his teammate. Could it be that he was that good? Is he finally getting the praise he deserved?</p><p>“Because”, she faces him, her glasses reflecting the blue lights that surrounded them. Hope finally sparked in his chest. Lance held his breath. “You’re always so relaxed.” His heart sunk. “You literally have no worries.” He felt his hands starting to shake. “You just have to fight and we can do the rest.” He curled his fists. “You’re the happiest amongst us. You’re always smiling. Wish I was that carefree.” Everyone nodded and agreed. His soul ached.  </p><p>He could feel the hand around his throat squeezing, his eyes aching from the pressure of the unshed tears. He smiled at her, laughed, waved her off. “	Good one, Pidgey.” He went silent for a bit, tried to regain his composure but he could feel it slipping away by each tick. </p><p>He rose up, “I-I have to go guys. Forgot about something. Sorry and...good night?”</p><p>He didn’t wait for their responses. As soon as the doors behind him closed he went into a full run. Lance passed by Coran somewhere along the way but he ignored his shouts for him to stop. Bursting into his room and locking the doors behind him, he threw himself on his bed as the final bits of his composure slipped away like sand in the wind. </p><p>Hot tears poured down his face as he hugged his pillow close to his chest. His breaths came out short and it had nothing to do with his run and everything to do with the feeling of panic and sadness that enveloped him. </p><p>How could she just say something like that? Can’t she notice that out of all of them he probably ached the most? How could everyone not notice? </p><p>It hurt, knowing that Pidge thought that way. That everyone thought that way. Lance couldn’t understand how none of them noticed his pain, how nobody heard him. </p><p>He screamed, loud and piercing. He screamed and he shouted but the pain only intensified and the voices only grew louder.</p><p>“The seventh wheel. Annoying. Obnoxious. Useless. Goofball. Replaceable.”</p><p>“Pathetic. Failure. Stupid. Loud.”</p><p>“Burden.” </p><p>“Stop!”, he yelled. Clammy hands clutched at his ears, squeezed his head, tugged on his hair. “Please stop. Please stop. Please stop”, he muttered it over and over again but they only got louder and the tears streamed even more and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Lance started drowning in all of the noise. He wished for silence once more. He wished for it to be back. He couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>He felt scared. Of the future. Of the war. Of...himself.</p><p>His communicator beeped, snapped him out of his thoughts. He lifted his head, glanced at it. Keith’s image popped up. </p><p>Keith. </p><p>A small, weak, spark of hope appeared in his chest upon seeing the face of his teammate. “The one who left you. Abandoned you”, one of his demons said. </p><p>“The only person who used to talk to me”, he argued back.</p><p> He reached out, hand shaky as he grasped the glowing device. Maybe this was his chance to finally talk to someone?</p><p>“In the middle of a mission. Everything is fine, hope you guys are doing well”, it read.</p><p>“In the middle of a mission”, he repeated in his mind. No, he couldn’t call him. Not now. He was busy and had much more important matters to attend to than to listen to him whine and cry. </p><p>“All well, stay safe Mullet”, he wrote instead before throwing it somewhere on his bed. </p><p>“Good, he wouldn’t have cared anyway. Just like the others don’t.”</p><p>Lance never felt more alone. More unwelcomed. More abandoned. He realized that he was not coming back home, ever. He’d fight in a war that wasn’t his and die in space without seeing his family ever again. </p><p>He thought about them. His family and their warmth. How in times like those, when he’d feel useless and pathetic, when he’d doubt himself, his mum would come to him with his favorite meal. His sisters would sit with him the entire day and make him do a skincare routine with them as they watched shitty movies on TV. </p><p>Lance closed his eyes, tried to take a deep breath but failed. He couldn’t do it anymore. He could die right here, right now and nobody would care. Perhaps that was the best choice. </p><p>No more pain. No more suffering. No more silence. No more voices. </p><p>“Yes”, the voices agreed, “Why bother anymore? Not like it makes a difference.” Lance couldn’t help but agree.</p><p>“Lance, buddy?”, Hunk’s knock interrupted him. He flinched, curled tighter, closed his eyes. </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“You coming for dinner?”, he asked.</p><p>“No”, Lance’s voice was scratchy from all of the shouting, wobbling from all of the crying. He cleared his throat. His stomach felt empty but he knew that if he were to eat anything it would only make him feel sick.	</p><p>“What? Why? Are you okay?”, Hunk sounded worried. “This is your shot! Tell him, talk to him. He’ll listen”, a small, hopeful voice supplied.</p><p>“But he won’t hear”, Lance replied to it. </p><p>“Just not hungry. Don’t worry about it”, his voice was off even to his own ears. The last sentence said through gritted teeth. He hoped that Hunk would notice. </p><p>“Oh, okay. See you later then.” All hope vanished as the words left his best friend’s lips. A simple no was enough to drive him away from Lance.</p><p>“Yeah, later”, Hunk’s heavy footsteps quickly disappeared and Lance was once again left in silence.</p><p>“He doesn’t care. If he cared, he would’ve come in. He would’ve noticed. He would’ve done something. He would’ve heard”, he thought bitterly to himself and the voices full-heartedly agreed.</p><p>He was alone in the silence once again with nothing but his demons keeping him company and with no one to hear his desperate calls for help as he cried some more. Alone...abandoned….unheard.</p><p>Why was he surprised? </p><p>Nothing could be heard in space after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This will maybe turn into something bigger but the chances aren't that big at the moment. I just needed something to cope and Lance seemed like a good choice. Perhaps I'll write more parts later but I'm content with it staying as it is.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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